


Start Again - Lilo Mpreg

by IHaveNiamFeels



Series: One Shots [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Love, M/M, Mpreg, Sad, lilo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:09:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4570941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHaveNiamFeels/pseuds/IHaveNiamFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>when Louis loses his husband Mason, he never thinks he'll be able to love again. Until Liam Payne walks into his life.  </p><p>or</p><p>when Liam is using Louis as his wedding planner. </p><p> </p><p>'to re begin to do something again, sometimes in a different way'</p><p>'There's a hole in the middle of my heart again</p><p>Can we start again, can we start again</p><p>There's a hole in the middle and it never mends</p><p>It never mends But I've gotta try to start again'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start Again - Lilo Mpreg

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one shot, feedback would be appreciated!
> 
> I worked hard on this!
> 
> sorry it has taken me so long to get something out!
> 
> much love x
> 
> -KahliaPayne

'to re begin to do something again, sometimes in a different way'

'There's a hole in the middle of my heart again

Can we start again, can we start again

There's a hole in the middle and it never mends

It never mends But I've gotta try to start again'

Louis Tomlinson had been out of hospital for no more than a week, he barely remembered his own name, but here he was sitting at the desk at his very popular wedding planning business. His job was what was keeping his mind off the disaster of the past few months, the feeling he had welling deep in the pitch of his chest, the numbness that travels heavily around his body and the tears he shreds at night when nobody else is around.

Today he had made an effort to come into work. He had really no idea why but he was guessing it probably had something to do with the pain he feels when he has time to let his mind wander, his mind does terrible things it leads to places he wishes he never had to think about again. The pain, the restrictions, the never ending feeling like he couldn't breathe.

Louis was certain he wasn't living in his own body anymore, he was dying and it was awfully slow, it was like he was been held underwater and his lungs were giving up on him. His heart was gone, the last hanging string broke the day he found out, the day his whole world completely turned upside down and all it took was five unbearable minutes. A moment he never wants to have to experience again.

As he sat at his desk, fixing paperwork and rearranging his things, it was keeping his mind occupied in so many wonderful ways, his work was occupying him from the horrible reality. He leant back in his chair, his left arm nursed tightly in a blue sling, stitches about his eyebrow. His ribs still hurt, his brain was buzzing from the never ending pile of pain killers he continuously shoves down his throat.

He found himself staring at the small bassinet next to his desk, the peaceful child sleeping nicely inside. Swaddled in a blue blanket. This was Louis' life now, his baby boy Crispin and his job, the job he dreamt of having since he saw his mother walk down the aisle. He loves the thrill of the smiles on their faces when they finally see the plans Louis has made, and that's what makes him successful.

He always imagined what his life would be like if he planned it differently, behavioured differently, acted differently, was raised differently, if his life would be any different. Maybe he wouldn't be so reserved on how he felt and maybe his love life would be different. Two months ago he wouldn't of changed a thing but today he wanted to change everything, he wanted to change how he saw things in life, how he imagined life without somebody he loved. How he was going to manage to make it work. Right now he is throwing everything he has into his baby and his work, because it really is all he has. No nightclubs, no urge to run off and get blind drunk or smoke weed until he felt good, because he couldn't, not with a baby.

As he stopped his mind from drifting too far his door chimed, the chime of a potential client. He straightens his back, places his pen on his table professionally and crossing his ankles together, a forced smile plastered across his face. This is how Louis wants to live, this makes him feel good. Nobody knows his story and nobody needs to.

He realized it way before he should, this is Liam Payne. The Liam Payne that can, sing, dance, act and play magnificent football. The Liam Payne that Louis had dreams about at night, with the beautiful looks and charming voice, and if Louis could close his eyes, stop his mind and listen to Liam harmonizing all day, he would. He never admits to it, but Liam is more than just a famously talented person to him.

He is also extremely jealous of Liam's partner, the person Liam has his hands locked with curled tight against, looking so deeply in love it makes Louis sick to the gut, but he smiled nonetheless, professionalism is key at this point, despite who Liam is with or how Louis looks.

He shook both their hands and ushered towards the awaiting seats on the other side of his desk, this was the one thing Louis liked about himself, he could be professional through any situation. Like right now, he's in pain sitting in front of his celebrity crush with his son in a bassinet beside him due to wake up for a feed in less than an hour. But Louis' face never falters.

"I'm Louis Tomlinson, are you here for a quote or to plan a wedding?" Louis asked, leaning his right arm on his desk as he fiddles with his pen. His lucky pen he calls it.

"I rang and spoke to somebody last night. Obviously money is no issue, so no quote is needed." Danny replied. Of course, you're with fucking Liam Payne, so insanely rich he could buy you a whole island and you still would want more, Louis thought as he opens his overflowing blue book, flipping across to a blank page and writing their names across the top.

"So, we'll start with the easy stuff first then, I would assume you have a place in mind."

"Well." Danny sighed "I wanted to get married originally in The Chapel of King's College in Cambridge. But apparently we need to be kings to be able to get married there, so." Danny tutted, and Louis nearly falls out of his chair. But then he remembers who he is talking to and it really doesn't surprise him at all.

"So we decided to get married at the Forde Abbey House." Liam puts in, squeezing Danny's hand, and Louis isn't going to lie, but he can tell this relationship is already over and it has barely even started. Liam is being forced to try to hard to give everything he has to somebody who obviously isn't that in love with him.

He smiled, opens his computer browser and starts flipping through the pictures of the place. He likes it, he can see why they want to get married there. It's modern but looks like a castle all at once. Perfect for the type of relationship Liam and Danny have.

"Perfect, do you have a set date?" Louis asked next, he watches the way Danny and Liam have a conversation through facial expressions and their eyebrows, and Louis takes this moment to make sure Crispin is still asleep which thankfully he is. Has barely moved since Louis put him down.

"We were hoping to get married in a few months, actually." Liam replied and Louis' eyes are wide in surprise and he is suddenly desperately trying to find a way out of this wedding planning. He can see it being a disaster already.

"That soon? Really? A wedding in this venue, as big as I can see you guys making it is going to need a bit longer than two months. Obviously I'd have to put twenty-four hours of my time, seven days a week into it to make it work at all and even that is pushing it." Louis stated, he is going over his calendar at this point and he has Crispin's baptism, a funeral and two other weddings and all four events he has to plan for. He's screwed already. "I'm booked solid until April, and that is a good three months from now. Even if you decide not to use me, it will be merely impossible to find another wedding planner with this short of notice." Louis tried, he can see the frown and glare getting deeper and deeper on Danny's face the more he speaks.

Liam decided to wait on the date and go home and talk about it, and they move onto invitation designs, which takes a good twenty five minutes in itself with the bickering and arguing. Danny wants one design and Liam wants the other, so Louis somehow makes it work and mashes the two together. By the time they settle on a design, Crispin is awake, Louis is running late for a meeting and it's getting dark outside and Danny has already said he can't drive home in the dark.

The more Louis thinks about it after they leave, as he's feeding Crispin, his mind going completely nuts now that he's giving it the chance to. He realizes Liam looks and sounds, and is just in general a lot like his partner. Louis is certain it is the eyes, the way they have a certain feel about them. Liam's speaks with such thought and is so professional about it Louis knows how he can be so famous.

He cries for a long time, when he gets home and has Crispin asleep again. He is listening to Liam's new EP and somehow it links to Louis's world and issues in so many ways. For some reason they make him feel better and his heart feels like it has been given a slight chance of mending itself, it was going to take more than just a few songs, of course.

Liam follows him on Twitter that night and DMs him about getting his Skype name because he feels it would be easier to Skype about the wedding instead of being stalked by fans and paps all the way to Louis' business home. Of course Louis agreed, because it's Liam Payne he is talking to and Skyping felt so much more appropriate in his circumstances.

He goes to bed that night, sad, overwhelmed, confused and somewhat depressed, but he sleeps through the whole night without experiencing a nightmare. And he feels like things might be slowly starting to change for him.

Liam skypes Louis the next morning, he catches Louis off guard and Louis looks more like a train wreck then he did the day before. But Liam is there waiting ever so patiently, and he is by himself and that honestly is a big deal for Louis.

"We figured out a date." Liam said first, and he has that horrendously cute smile on his face. Louis figured out that is what he missed the most from his partner and now Liam was reminding Louis of him all the time and Louis wants to lean through the laptop and punch him in the face, for just being too goddamn perfect. "July fifteen, or around that time. We will be back from Spain by then. Does that work for you?" Liam asked. Louis wonders why on earth Liam is working around when he is available the roles should be switched.

"July is perfect, any date works for me. If you want me too, I can email the place and see what dates in July are free for them and we can work from there." Louis suggested, and he is very curious as to where Danny is, he expects him to be the possessive type. But it is helping Louis get his work done, a lot quicker. "Where is Danny? Is there any date he would like to suggest specifically?" Louis asked, head tilted slightly.

"No, he has left me in charge, he told me what he wanted and then scooted off to work, you know what models are like, always have to run off to have something done, which is why it's hard to plan a wedding because I have to work around my dates and then he has to work around his, you know? But apparently it is hard to pull out of modelling stuff. From what I've heard anyway." Liam answered, and Louis really doesn't know why Liam thinks he needs to justify himself, Louis is just some stranger who plans weddings.

"Well, if he does figure out a specific date, I'll email you my number and you can let me know." Louis added, he is playing it safe obviously because Danny seems like such a diva and Louis doesn't want to jeopardize losing a client so big. "Moving on, got any ideas on how you would like to have the table dressed, any certain colour?"

"We are tossing up between navy blue and purple, we wanted your opinion first, though." Liam stated, and again Louis is slightly taken aback, Liam clearly likes to have opinions before he officially chooses something, whereas Danny is the complete opposite.

Louis talked to Liam about the wedding for longer than he should. He goes way over time, and somehow the conversation gets hijacked and they're talking about Liam's movie premiere and his EP, the one Louis can relate to in so many different ways it affects him, it is affecting his sanity.

"Does your music relate to something? Like, personal experiences?" Louis questioned, he had Crispin laying across his right arm staring contently at the necklace around his neck, his little fingers shoved in his mouth. His little legs move every so often and his hands frail until they latch onto something, most times it's Louis' thumb.

Liam is flipping through his text messages and photos. He is showing Louis Manila. The little exotic places he stopped by and Louis is enjoying himself, the loneliness in his belly is eased. His mind isn't captivated with awful post events, this is something new, something different. Louis wants to turn over a new leaf and watch his life move in a different direction. A positive one. Hopefully. "My songs are inspired by personal experiences, but also come from people around me, like my parents. My friends, some of them have these stories that are so touching they deserved to be expressed through music, you know?" Liam answered, not even glancing up from his phone, and Louis knows, Louis definitely knows.

"What are you doing next week? Maybe you could come plan our Engagement party for us." Liam then said, finally glancing back up at the screen.

"What day were you thinking?" Louis questioned. He is hoping he doesn't say Friday, that will be the day of what could be potentially the second most worst day of his life.

"Friday." Liam hummed, and Louis curses viciously in his own head. Worst day to decide for Louis to plan their Engagement party, but he can't really say no, but he has to give himself an out, just incase he can worm his way out of it.

"Friday, I have a funeral that day it will start around two and properly go to around 4'ish, but I might need some time to... Like, relax." Louis stated, he wanted Liam to know that if he didn't show up at all he knew why, it wasn't a definite no, but it wasn't a definite yes either.

He watched the way Liam's face scrunches up, his eyes full of sympathy and Louis wished he never said anything in the first place. He hated the look people gave him, the edge to the way they hold their body. The way they look at him. "Oh, I'm sorry... I mean Engagement parties never start till late anyway. So if you come at like 7'ish I wouldn't see an issue in that." Liam smiled, and Louis is again shock that he is working around him. But then comes his next issue. Crispin.

"Thank you, but where would I put him?" Louis asked, awkwardly lifting his right arm so Crispin is in view, he never really likes showing him to people because he is really all he has left.

"Oh, your little fella; who is adorable, by the way. We have plenty of rooms here, I'm sure we can put him down in one for a nap and feeds." Liam suggested with a slight shrug of the shoulders. A pleasant smile on his lips. Louis then realizes he has just been invited to Liam Payne's house.

 

Friday seemed to come quicker than Louis was hoping it would, he had his whole focus on getting Liam and Danny's engagement party one hundred percent perfect. He Skyped Liam most afternoons to double check on things, some days without Danny other days with. Louis finds it so weird that Liam is always willing to have a chat with him, throwing away his time to waste it talking to Louis.

He spoke to Louis for three hours one night, from ten o'clock till twelve that night, and again Louis found it so strange that Liam could be doing something else. But he chooses to sit up till weird hours of the night and talk to him instead. Bizarre in Louis' mind.

Louis got a text from Liam the day of the funeral. 'hey louis, I hope we see you tonightttt. But I do understand if you don't make it... Liam'

The drive to the funeral house is something Louis never wished he would have to be experiencing so soon in his life, this wasn't meant to be happening yet. He still had places he wanted to visit, challenges he wanted to try. But somehow he felt like it had been taken away from him already, and he still didn't know why.

A usual fifteen minute drive took Louis nearly an hour, he purposely taking the long route to avoid the heartache he was going to have to experience. The feeling of...loss.

Once he arrived, he sat in his car until he saw familiar faces, they looked as sad and distraught as him. The parents, the friends, the family. All the people Louis had met and now he had to face them, because of something he took the blame for, an accident he has nightmares about and solemnly blames on himself. If he wasn't talking so loud, being a distraction. If he wasn't turning the music up. There is so many things Louis could've done to prevent it and he didn't.

Once Louis had bundled up Crispin and locked his car, he slowly wandered up into the full building. The family and himself was being placed at the front, where Louis was being forced to stare ever so intensely at the picture that sat on top of the coffin. Cursing the photo for ever leaving him. It commenced not long after, and Louis was crying before they had even started speaking. He cried and stuttered the whole way through his speech, and if he could tell everybody he was to blame he would've.

The hardest part was the final goodbye. He wasn't just saying goodbye to one person, he was saying goodbye to a whole family. The family he had been apart of for more than five years. He was saying a goodbye to such a wonderful bunch of people. He felt like his whole life had been destroyed in one huge hit.

Louis remembered the drive to Liam's house easily, it was a peaceful drive. With nothing but Louis' sad pitiful cries echoing through the quiet car. He was surprised he even managed to get there in one piece. His heart was clutching and unclutching the whole way there. Louis sat in his car for twenty minutes, until Crispin reminded him that the car was cold, he was hungry and Louis needed to move on. He needed to accept the fact that what he had was now over and he needed to start fresh.

Once he finally had the strength to get out of his car, he bundled up Crispin. His portable crib and his baby bag before making himself present at the party. He knew there was going to be plenty of other famous people here, so he wanted to keep himself moderately hidden from the world. He didn't want to be asked questions or judged for having a baby, he was only here because Liam asked him to be here.

When Liam saw him he instantly pulled him into a hug and led him up the spiral like stairs. There was multiple pictures of Danny hanging on the walls. There was a few of Liam's awards framed and hung up in between, the walls were a simple shade of blue with matching curtains. He noticed that each room in the house had it's own name tag this one had 'raccommoder' written in cursive on a wooden plaque. He knew the words were French, he just had no idea what they meant.

Liam helped him set up the portable crib whilst Louis fed Crispin his bottle, his face was all blotchy, red and irritated from crying so much. He was still wearing the clothes he wore to the funeral, and it somehow matched how Louis felt. He felt like death, looked like death, smelt like it even. He had already lost four kilos since the accident, which probably came from the fact that he ate like a sparrow nowadays. Eating was never Louis' number one priority.

He felt the presence of Liam, and the fact that he wasn't planning on leaving, he was making no effort to move towards the door. When Louis glanced up he realized Liam was waiting for him to start speaking, or at least say something. For a moment Louis just sat there. He was doing what he did best, pondering life, trying to grasp onto other things that made his life positive.

"I'll be okay, you know. If that why you're standing here. I'll get over it. I'll move on." Louis spoke, his lips moving before he realized what he'd even said, and once it was out there. There was no coming back from it. "To save you from asking, it was my partner. He died in a car accident." Louis answered, his body sore and aching, he had just admitted it. He had told somebody and for a brief moment it felt therapeutic. He tightened his grip on Crispin and blinked his eyes closed, shaking his head sadly. "I haven't said that to anybody before. Because it's a touchy subject." Louis added, pursing his lips before shifting his eyes from Crispin to Liam.

"If I had of known I would of pushed this party back a few days. I'm really sorry, Louis, I bet it's extremely painful to have to go through something like that. That's horrible."

"It's twice as painful as it would've been Liam, because he never met Crispin. He never even saw him, not even pictures. He did plenty of dangerous things and he must of used all his nine lives. I always thought everything happened for a reason, but this time...I don't know. I really don't. Plus it was my fault. I was the sole reason."

Liam was juggling up whether or not he should be comforting Louis. He stayed silent and shifted his body weight from foot to foot, as Louis moved to place Crispin in the portable crib, once he had done so, Liam took that as his opportunity to give Louis a friendly hug. "Sometimes hugs help, I'm really sorry about your loss, but you can't keep blaming yourself. It's only going to make things worse for yourself in the long run. Trust me, I know." Liam sighed, listening to Louis cry into his shoulder. He didn't really ever expect to be in this position. But here was, comforting somebody.

Louis settled on not replying, he really didn't see a point in wasting time trying to explain how it was his fault. Plus it meant he would have to go into so much heart aching detail to get his point across, and he honestly wasn't in the best frame of mind to be visiting those hopeless memories again. He was in denial, he didn't want to admit that he might have depression. Not when he was in the best place a month ago.

Liam remained hugging Louis for a few moments, before the older lad pulled away and stretched his arms out. Sighing sadly, he wiped his hands on his jeans and fixed his jumper. "So, let's get to this party, shall we? I wanna see how my planning skills went." Louis said, behaviouring like he hadn't just cried four seconds ago. Liam smiled awkwardly and led Louis back down the stairs. Danny was dancing with a red beer cup in his hand. He was wearing an outfit that was obviously designed to show off his body, which Louis found typical. Any model would wear something to show off their figure like that.

He knew he couldn't drink, due to breastfeeding so instead he settled on a bottle of water and a packet of chips. He spent an hour just wandering aimlessly around through all the famous celebrities, being introduced to Liam's friend, Harry, who Louis wanted to set up with his mate Niall.

He eventually headed back upstairs to check on Crispin and fifteen minutes after that he ended up heading home. It was past midnight by the time they got back, so he fed and bathed Crispin, and then put him to bed.

 

Louis felt like he was improving, in some weird way. Even though he was still crying himself to sleep most nights and he barely ate anything, it was enough to keep him going throughout the day. Just.

He skyped Liam once a week, and they had nearly finished the plans for the wedding. They had booked the venue, flowers and designed the cake. Invitations were a week away from being sent out to all of Liam's family, as well as Danny's.

Louis had been told Crispin was underweight and he had been officially put on formula instead of breast milk, which made it easier for Louis during the day. He ate more, but basically lived solely on water. Other than that he drank tea.

He had been invited to multiple of Liam's events. Mainly because Danny was away and Liam wanted to have company, it had become their thing now. Going out together and meeting up with Liam's friends. They even hooked Harry and Niall up on a date together. Louis loved it more than he should. It was a distraction and it was fun, so Louis never said no for those two reasons.

Somehow Liam's house became a second home for Louis, he had even fallen asleep on his living room floor after a movie marathon night he had with Liam, Harry and Niall. It was weird how Liam's social life was only ever around when Danny was away. He didn't think Liam was being unfaithful. He obviously didn't have the heart to cheat on somebody, but he obviously had to have his friends around when Danny wasn't.

Crispin went everywhere with him, so drinking beer was still off limits for Louis, or though he had recently started having one occasionally now that he didn't have to breastfeed anymore. He felt like moving on was going to be harder than people said it was going to be, but right now he had his distraction. Liam.

Louis attended Liam's awards show, sat at the end of the table and kept his face hidden. Crispin was having a nana day, Louis' mum was taking care of him for the night. He worried about him, he was scared he would lose him too. Even though he was with the second best person. Louis just was paranoid.

To Louis, Danny was getting worse behaviour wise. He tutted, sighed, cursed and even had temper tantrums. He didn't get why Liam sat back and dealt with that. Louis couldn't remember how many times Liam had to end a Skype call or leave the room to attend to Danny. It was like having a toddler.

 

A month out from the wedding Louis went on a holiday, he took himself and Crispin for a mini vacation to Doncaster and spent the week with his mum. Danny and Liam had gone to Spain, it was like a pre-honeymoon/wedding getaway, it seemed like a typical thing they would do.

Getting to know Liam, he knew there was something there that hadn't been overtaken by the fame, and for some reason it made Louis feel better. He never thought he would ever be friends with such a famous person. But it wasn't the fact that Liam was famous that made Louis feel good, it was the humbleness Liam had that gave Louis a sense of warmth.

It wasn't until they were two weeks out from the wedding when Louis got the call. He was texted first. 'Can I skype you? It's important...liam x'

'Of course :) x'

"Louis, I hope this doesn't burden you but we're not getting married anymore. Is there anyway the wedding plans can be given to somebody else?" Liam asked, he looked like he had been crying, his sweater covering his hands and his hair stuffed in a beanie. He had a pout on his lips.

"Oh... yeah, uh. If that's what you want I'm sure I can find somebody, I could just give you your money back." Louis suggested, he didn't want Liam or Danny to feel like they were being robbed.

"No, give it to someone else. It was my money anyway, so I made the choices." Liam stated, and obviously it was pointed at Danny, because not a moment later, the laptop lit up with a moment of curse words and he slammed his suitcase closed. He was fuming, Louis could tell.

Everything moved quickly after that, Danny slapped Liam, the Skype call was ended and Crispin woke up crying and somewhere in Louis' chest he felt like he couldn't breathe. He was restricted, drowning. All over again.

He barely gave himself time to filter it, before he whisked off to get Crispin. Liam was slapped. That's all that was going through Louis' head. He was slapped, for saying it was his money.

Louis wanted to contact Liam and make sure he was okay, that the abuse wasn't taken any further, but somewhere he felt like it wasn't his place to ask and he couldn't really help. He wasn't in the best frame of mind to be helping a potential domestic violence victim.

Liam texted Louis four hours later 'sorryyy, found somebody to take the wedding from us? Liam x'

'Hey, don't stress. It's my job. I've got it covered! Louis x'

'Thankyou, when I get homeeee, come over ok? Danny can't interfere with my social life anymoreee. Liam x'

'Sure, you ok? He didn't hurt you too bad did he?' Louis asked, he couldn't help himself. He needed to know, he wanted to make sure Liam was okay.

'I'm fine. He can't hurttt me. I'm ironman.'

'Is that so? What's that make me then?'

'Superman? Or spidermannn?'

'Hm, can't pick.'

'Who does ironman likeee better?"

'Liam, why the hell would I no that? Haha !'

'Well, youuu like Marvel!'

'Doesn't mean I know the answer to that !'

'Meanie. I'm gonna go sleeppp now. Byeee!'

'Sleep well! Goodnight! xx'

Louis sighed, locking his phone and placing it down beside himself. He sat up and continued to cradle his son against his chest. It was weird how a relationship can end so suddenly and it was like it never happened. Louis didn't know how he felt about that.

Liam came home a few weeks later and Louis noticed the bright steps in his walk, the dark tan, happy smile. It was something he always saw with Liam when he wasn't around Danny.

"Thanks for picking me up." Liam smiled, giving Louis a quick, side hug and peering into the pusher.

"It was no trouble. I have nothing else to do." Louis replied, following Liam down to baggage claim. "Oh! I found somebody for the wedding, a really lovely couple. They loved everything, I just need you to sign some stuff to say that you are actually willing to hand it over to them." Louis added, rocking the pusher back and forth on its wheels to keep Crispin content.

"Perfect. I'm glad somebody who is grateful is going to be enjoying it." Liam smiled, his shoulders relaxed once he had his bags and was dragging them down the tiled floor, his sunglasses on and shielding his eyes.

Louis hung back to avoid the paparazzi who wanted to know the details about the breakup. In the end Louis snuck out the back entrance, he packed up his pusher before he went outside and once he reached the care, he strapped Crispin in and placed the pram in the boot.

The drive home was mildly silent until Liam's newest single started playing on the radio, and it made Louis cry, his sunglasses were hiding the tears momentarily until they sunk out from underneath and escaped down his rosy cheeks. He was surprised to notice that Liam was crying to when he glanced across. It was weird to see him crying over his own song.

Louis headed straight into Liam's gated complex and bundled Crispin out. He was sniffling, and was still wiping his eyes every few moments. Liam was hugging him before they had even got inside, the two crying sadly together. Louis had to stand on his tippy toes to hug Louis probably. It hurt and obviously it hurt Liam too.

He put Crispin down for a nap after he fed him, the two sat in silence for a while, just drying their eyes and regaining themselves.

"He wasn't abusive, Louis, not all the time anyway. Only when he got angry, he didn't know his own strength. I guess. But who can handle somebody like that?" Liam asked, he was blabbering but Louis was listening he wasn't so good at comforting, but he was a good listener.

"Nobody should be allowed to hurt you, Liam, not physically or verbally, emotionally should be illegal too. You had every right to say no, to put a stop to it. I'm not good at comfort but one thing I do know is that nobody can ever be able to hurt you like that. Never." Louis replied, he wasn't even sure about what he was actually saying right about now.

Soon their words become thoughts and the two sat in a long silence for a while, both letting their minds create thoughts and ideas in their own minds. This obviously wasn't going to be an easy fix, for either of them. Louis was fighting what he believed was depression and Liam was fighting fame and an ex abusive partner.

Louis knew what he needed, he needed to see a counselor, a therapist. They both needed it. Louis decided to just sign himself up and throw himself into it, and somewhere along the way he discovered that it actually felt good to be expressing his feelings, getting to tell somebody about his life without being judged. He changed, he really did. He might not be able to love again, but he didn't blame himself for it anymore. It wasn't his fault anymore, it made his whole demeanor change.

Liam had gone back on tour, but was having Skype calls with his therapist every month. It took Liam four months to finally discover who he really was, and to behave how he wanted too. He didn't have to take anything from anybody, and Liam felt better. He really did.

It was nearly a whole five months before Louis actually saw Liam face to face again, the whole vibe of their relationship changed, their was no tears, no awkwardness. Just two friends with common hobbies. He spent a lot of time with Liam, but once the paps started realizing Louis was hanging out with Liam, he needed to kill off the speculation, because he definitely wasn't ready to be in another relationship, where he falls in love too hard, too early.

He dropped back on how often he saw Liam and Skyped him instead, it was never the same, but it worked until Liam's next interview where he stated that him and Louis were nothing more than friends. To Louis it felt weird to see pictures of himself in newspapers, with countless conspiracy theories on Louis' life. It was weird how awfully wrong they got it, it made him laugh.

How they called him a baker or a wedding cake maker, instead of what he actually was. He designed weddings, nothing more nothing less. But the articles made a good laugh.

He was content with life, and that's what made him feel like talking about what actually happened was okay now. It would always be a touchy subject, but talking about it made his whole body settle. It wasn't as hard anymore.

He was sitting in a studio with Liam after he had made a snap decision, he bought Liam lunch and headed straight down to the small confined, but somewhat cozy and well hidden studio on the outskirts of London.

When he placed the food down by Liam on the chair, he enjoyed the smile that Liam had plastered on his face. He liked creating feelings like that.

"The reason I came here, Liam, wasn't actually to give you lunch. I was told when I finally finished up with my therapy lessons that I needed to tell people about how I felt and what had happened beforehand. I guess I want to tell you. I haven't told anybody before. Niall knows small bits and pieces but not how I saw things." Louis started, Liam was spinning on his chair, he was sipping his slurpee and scrolling through his messages, but he turned his attention towards Louis soon after.

Louis took this as Liam listening to him, so he breathed in shakily and pursed his lips slightly. "So I'm not so sure on where I'm actually meant to start, so I'm just going to blabber away and see where it takes me, okay?" Louis breathed, Liam nodded, placing his phone on the desk beside him. "So I was with my partner Mason for five years, and was married for two of those. Crispin wasn't exactly planned, but I'm not going to say we didn't want him, because we did. For me, being with him was more than okay. The pregnancy was fine obviously but something went wrong somewhere in my kidneys when Crispin was around eight months and both of us nearly died, and for a moment I thought my life was over, you know? That I was going to die and he was going to die, and I was worry about what Mason was thinking, what he was going to do without us." Louis sighed, his shoulders slumping as he stared down at their shoes.

"Here I was, nearly dead wondering how my husband was going to live without us. It was a miracle really, but neither of us were allowed to see him. He was whisked away and put in the NICU ward for constant care, I was released two weeks later and when we left that hospital, we left without our baby and we didn't know if we were going to get him back. We fought, nonstop after that, about everything and anything. Nobody told us what was happening with Crispin which is probably what hurt us the most, we didn't know what was going on." Louis sniffled. He soon felt the space beside him being filled, and at this moment he was so grateful to have Liam in his life.

"We got a phone call on the eleventh of March to tell us that we could come see him, we could hold him and give him a name. We could've been picking up our baby after so long of not even knowing anything about him, that kills you, Liam, it really does. The drive out was long, it was loud, I was so overjoyed I was listening to my music up loud, singing, being a huge pest. Obviously I wasn't driving and Mason was laughing along with me, cracking jokes and having the time of his life. The accident wasn't our fault, and it happened too quick for me to even remember, it was just spinning lights and screaming and I thought I was on a rollercoaster ride at the time. I remember holding the panic handle so tightly it broke and I think that helped me break my arm. We were spinning through an intersection after a huge four wheel drive hit us after he went through a red light, we spun into another car, then was thrown into a ditch and rolled several times. All the impact was on the drivers side, but how I survived beats me." Louis said shakily, he felt like he was having a heart attack just thinking about it. But he had gotten this far, he may as well finish what he was saying and settle his anxiety.

"I spent a month in hospital, I was in a coma for a week and when I woke up I saw red faces, sad eyes and I knew then. I knew, they didn't even need to say it and I knew. All I know is that he died on impact, he would've died pain free and I was left to pick up the pieces and move on, which is harder than you think it is. I had just lost him, I sat there saying 'why not me?' he could've had every part of me and I wouldn't of cared. My organs, my spirit. Everything, but yet here I am living it all on, wondering if the 'everything happens for a reason' still stands, still works. I don't think it's so convincing anymore." Louis cried, he never understood why he had to stay and Mason went, who couldn't it have been him. "I always knew he was going to be a better father than me, he was kind, gentle, patient. Perfect." Louis spoke, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "He was like a fairytale movie character, he lived to keep me happy."

Louis stilled for a moment and then quickly spoke up again. "Don't give me sympathy, Liam. I don't need it, okay? That's not what I want." Louis whispered. He was holding a tight handful of Liam's shirt, trying to settle his raging mind quickly.

Liam thought, and decided that he wasn't going to be what Louis didn't want him to be. But he also wasn't going to let this go unnoticed, so he sat up, brushing Louis' hair out of his eyes gently. "Let's write a song, Louis."

\-------------

Four writing sessions, two song and twenty-five coffees later and Louis and Liam were crying silently together over how nice the two songs were, how wonderful they sounded and Louis never thought he would be hearing his own emotions and thoughts being mashed up with Liam's into songs that everybody out in the music world was going to hear. It went straight to where it hit Louis the hardest; the heart. But Louis wasn't complaining, he was going to listen to these songs on repeat until he hated them.

Liam was overwhelmed as well, because it had parts of his past relationship molded into it as well. It felt weird to have a song not so much based on falling in love, but falling 'out' of it. The songs spoke about how hard it was at times, how it changed the perspective on how people saw it, but also the heartbreak.

_______

Louis spent more times asleep on Liam's couch then he did at his own home. Crispin had since become one of Liam's favourite people, obviously he loved children and Louis liked that about people. Sometimes he got a break a little bit of an extra lie in or more time to eat his breakfast when he had an extra set of hands. Crispin was the love of Louis' life, he lived a life where everything was planned around him and him only. He didn't have to worry about the outside world, because he had since climbed into that little self confined bubble with Crispin.

Right now Louis was sitting in Liam's recording studio, it had become a thing for Louis to bring Liam lunch whenever he was in the studio. Today was obviously a lazy day, Louis swinging on one of Liam's wheely chairs whilst Crispin was having a nap. Liam was eating a salad sandwich whilst talking away on his phone to his promoters.

Once he got off the phone, he turned his attention towards Louis again, a smile on his lips as he spoke. Louis liked that about Liam. He was always happy. "You wanna come to America with me for the AMA's?" Liam asked, head tilted to the side slightly.

"What date?" Louis questioned, screwing the cap back on his bottle of water. He quickly checked on Crispin as Liam texted for the dates and rocked back in his chair, one of his new songs calmly playing in the background.

"In roughly three or so months." Liam replied, and Louis honestly couldn't say no. He wasn't planning to.

"Sure, I'll come. What about Crisp?" He asked, swinging on his chair. His ankles crossed over and his fingers holding his apple bun he had bought. "I might be able to leave him with mum." Louis wondered out loud. Liam was still texting, smiling gently at Louis.

"It's only for five days, so if you're okay with leaving him." Liam answered, leaning back against his chair. His studio manager catching Liam's attention to point down at his watch, obviously Liam had to start recording again, a sigh leaving his lips.

"I'll text you the dates, Louis. I have the flights and accommodation covered."

\------

Louis was slightly overwhelmed when the time came around to fly out to America with Liam, it was weird because Crispin was a year old, which meant he had known Liam a full year. Mason had been gone for a full year and Louis felt like a coward for wanting to move on, but deep down somewhere he felt like Mason was telling Louis to take a step into the big world and start his life all over again.

Louis was pretty certain he had this bubbling feeling in the pit of his stomach that drew him towards Liam, for comfort for everything, and the bubbling in his belly was drawing Louis' thoughts further into believing he had feelings for Liam. It wasn't just a friendship anymore, Louis seeked Liam out when he needed him more than he seeked out his other friends, he would go around to Liam's house whenever he needed somebody to talk to. Liam treated Crispin like his own son.

Liam would curl his arms around Louis' waist in this protective manner whenever somebody said something that Liam didn't like, he held Louis' wrist for longer than a friend would, and Louis really was starting to believe his whole mind was playing tricks on him. Liam was playing jokes on him.

He was currently sitting in the airport in an area that was hiding them from the rest of the world. He was scrolling through his phone, deleting old pictures and instagramming new ones. To stop the speculation Liam was stationed further down the airport, sitting in his own little section, but was still sending Louis awkward Snapchat messages of the guy who was trying to 'apparently' hit on Liam.

Once they boarded the plane, Liam being snuck on but security and Louis somehow managing to casually wander out of the terminal and down onto the plane, he found his seat beside Liam, and switched his phone off. Louis instantly remembered he hadn't been on a plane for ages and this was one of his biggest fears, dying on a plane that was sailing miles away from his only family and suddenly he felt like his whole life was about to explode, his heart was pumping and his hands were gripping the armrests so tightly his knuckles had turned pale white.

Liam noticed the sudden change, and somewhere in a span of fifteen seconds, he had Louis' hand locked in his and telling him it was all okay until they were lodged in the air safely and Louis could suddenly breathe easy again, his chest easing.

He listened to music for the first few hours before he fell asleep against the window of the plane, using his jumper as a pillow. Thankfully the flight was smooth with no sudden bumps or knocks, so Louis slept for the rest of the flight. He wasn't woken until Liam told him he had to switch his phone off again.

It was hectic once the plane landed and Louis had to climb out one door whilst Liam wandered out the other, all the paps were on Liam thankfully which left Louis slipping into the car calmly with his face hidden under his jumper so even if a camera did snap him, they were unlikely to know who he was. Liam was having a Skype conference the whole way to the hotel, which was somewhat awkward for Louis when Liam started raising his voice and gritting his teeth. It was something about the album, how they didn't like his debut single choice and Liam was having none of it.

Getting into the hotel was a lot easier than Louis thought it was going to be, he simply stepped in through an underground door, stationed in a locked carpark and headed straight up to their floor, avoiding the lobby completely. The room was the penthouse suite of course, stationed on the top floor overlooking some water that was sparkling nicely in the sun. There were two king size beds and Louis took dibs on the one closest to the window before Liam had even gotten up yet. He spent fifteen minutes standing on the balcony with his hands in his pocket taking pictures of the sun and the water and he nearly instagramed it. Nearly.

By the time Liam had gotten up to the room he was already declaring he was going to find a pub and get himself blind drunk and Louis liked that idea if he wasn't so hung up on keeping his feelings bottled up, and if he got drunk on the right stuff he was bound to announce to the whole world that he liked Liam and he wasn't so keen.

But somehow Liam convinced him it was a 'fabulous' idea and before Louis had time to even change out of his clothes, he was being dragged by Liam down to the closest pub he could find. It was small, only filled with some drunk old men and a few tipsy woman, and Liam molded into the sweaty bodies quicker than Louis had time to think things over. He had a drink shoved in his hands soon after, and he had absolutely know idea what it was, but it burnt his throat on the way down. So whatever it was it was full blown alcohol and Louis knew it wouldn't be long before he blabbered some mess and screwed everything up, but he was hoping Liam would be just as drunk as he was by the time that trouble started.

As the night progressed further, they had ditched the beers and vodka and had moved onto shots and Louis was hammered before he had even gotten past midnight. Liam handled his liquor a little better than Louis did, but wasn't much better. The drive home came to Louis in bits and pieces and he was cloudy and unsure and at what actually happened.

When he woke up the next morning his head hurt and his lips were tingling, he could feel a red spot of pain on his collarbone and he was laying right beside Liam's form, which startled Louis somewhat and he ended up falling out of bed and landing on the carpeted floor, thankfully he was still fully clothed which meant Liam had to be too, but that didn't answer his questions about the sore spot on his neck or the tingling of his lips.

Once Liam woke up, he was laughing and for a moment Louis thought he was being mocked, and was about to sass Liam into telling him he was just as bad as he was. But Liam was pointing and pushing at the tender spot on Louis' sore collarbone. "You still have it." Liam chuckled.

"What on earth is it? What did you do?" Louis asked suddenly, trying to rub it off with his thumb. But when it didn't come off and his head was starting to hurt again, he leaned over and punched Liam square in the arm.

"Louis, we made out for like an hour last night. That is a hickey, do you know what that is?" Liam asked, a frown pressed on his face and it looked like Louis had just kicked a puppy. "You basically said you'd be my boyfriend last night."

There it was, Louis knew it was going to happen, he was going to end up saying something stupid, but apparently they both did something completely stupid. He pressed a hand against his forehead and pursed his lips. "We snogged. What the fuck do you mean? how much do you remember?"

"You told me you liked me, I said I liked you back, then we kissed in the car on the way home and snogged when we got back here. What's so bad about that?"

"We got together and you're perfectly fine with this? Shouldn't you be yelling or something?"

"Louis, the feeling is mutual, I like you, you like me." Liam frowned "That makes us okay to date right?"

"do you actually mean that? you feel okay?"

Liam tutted and rolled his eyes, he curled his hands around Louis' jaw and pressed their lips together, he kissed Louis for a good twenty seconds before he reluctantly pulled away "that answer your question?"

"yes, yes it does."

-.-.-.-.-

The two spent the next two days doing couply things, well hidden from the world of paps and fans, and Louis liked the days they stayed in and watched movies. Pigging out on unhealthy food and taking ugly selfies on their phones. It was weird for Louis to fall into a relationship so easy again.

The AMA's came around pretty quick and Liam won four out of five of his awards, Louis was molded into a seat in the back, playing footsie under the table with Liam when he came back from claiming each award.

He was asked about Danny in one of his after show interviews and Louis was awkwardly listening to the conversation in the small room over. Liam basically stating that he was unpleasantly pleased that people still asked about them nearly five months later.

The flight home was mildly easier for Louis, sleeping on Liam's chest in a awkward manner for most of the trip. At the airport he was greeted by a wobbling Crispin and his mother but he felt like it was all starting to work again.

They didn't tell the public about their relationship, but it was early days and Liam was still being linked with Danny because they were seen at the same shopping centre as one another. Louis wasn't concerned because he was able to go about his life and job without being harassed.

Niall and Harry knew, they found out when Louis fell asleep in Liam's lap one night when they surprisingly just showed up at Liam's house. Niall and Harry liked to pick fun at them about it quite a bit after that.

It got a bit hard at points, when the articles about Liam got worse and they wrote it to make people believe it, and Louis would sit there all day reading countless articles about Liam until he cried or fell asleep with his laptop still open. He never approached Liam about it because he knew it wasn't true, but his anxiety was horrendous and the links popped up everywhere.

It wasn't until Niall left a magazine open that Louis actually lost it. He threw the magazine across the house, his nostrils flaring and if looks could kill that magazine would have shriveled up and died. Niall was standing in the living room, mouth a jar and shock pressed on his face "don't Niall, just don't okay? Just get the damn thing out of my sight before I injure myself burning it. Just-" Louis sighed, slamming his fridge door shut, and roughly pulling the lid off his jar of peanut butter.

"Louis, it's just an article. What on earth?"

"Niall! Enough! You and Harry might live in some lovely shell but take a look around you, there is more articles about you and Harry then there is me and Liam, but they mess with you, they screw you up in the head and sometimes you start to believe stuff you read because you can't convince yourself anymore. 'Liam Payne dating Vogue model Tyler Webber' 'Liam Payne seen with footballer Dean Burr' there is so many and you are just so oblivious, so enough, don't ram that shit in my face and not expect me to reaction. But he's /my/ boyfriend, not theirs." Louis flamed, smacking the peanut butter lid but on the jar and storming up stairs, the loud bang of the door still echoing in the still room.

Niall let Louis sleep the outburst off, but he also decided that telling Liam was probably smarter than just letting him sit around and mope about it all day. Niall knew what it felt like to be feeling so used and like he's being shoved in a corner, but the thing about Harry and Niall's relationship was everybody knew, nobody knew about Louis' and Liam's it was tucked away, people thought Louis was a ladies man, and Liam just wasn't so keen on looking anymore.

Niall texted Liam on his way home, but told Liam he preferred if he didn't mention who had told him, it was quite saddening for Niall to watch Louis get so heavily affected by some articles and news reports that had no leads, were so unreliable and totally misled people into believing it because of the way the wrote it. It always worked.

Once Liam looked up the articles and read a few, he left the studio earlier, brought some cute roses, a teddy that took up the whole backseat of Liam's small car and a box of chocolates. The drive over was quiet for Liam, nothing but the hum of his sports car and the dull sound of the latest hits on his radio. He always went the long way to Louis' so if people followed him, they didn't suspect anything if he drove past a shopping centre or desert car park a few times.

He let himself in, noting that the door was unlocked and he could've been a burglar. Liam tugged his shoes off and made his way up the short steps and into Louis' tiny room, the older lad was sleeping somewhere under a mountain of pillows and woolen blankets and it was a struggle in itself to find the said person.

Waking Louis up was a bit more of a challenge than he thought it was going to be, but he managed once he put the huge teddy bear down and was able to shake him away, laying his body across his until the heavy weight woke him up.

"Liam, what the hell are you doing here? what time is it?" Louis frowned, sitting up and grabbing his clock to check the time, his hair was a mess, tangled around everywhere and he had faint tear stains under his eyes.

"I got out of the studio early and decided to come around, you should probably lock your doors though babe, it's welcome to burglars otherwise." Liam replied, earning an eye roll in return.

"why is there a huge teddy sitting on my bedroom floor?"

"well, I saw some of those horrendous articles and thought you might've wanted a cheer up present, plus I like spoiling you." Liam smiled, ushering towards the flowers and chocolates. As soon as Louis had the box in his hands he was shoving four chocolates in his mouth in one go, struggling to chew as he smelt the flowers.

"thanks for that babe, you didn't have too. But just tell me the articles aren't true."

"of course not, Dean Burr isn't even a real person. That's how unreliable these people are."

________

The single dropped and Louis was sitting in bed nursing a cold as he watched the charts, Liam's single 'Start Again' skyrocketing to number one in less than fifteen minutes. Liam dropped the single whilst he was away in Hollywood filming his new movie 'Washed Soldiers' it was a war movie, something different to what Liam was use to but Louis was sure it was still going to be great.

Louis was scheduled to be flying over to visit Liam, but since he had gotten sick he decided he didn't want to spread it any further than it already had. So he was sitting in his bed surrounded by tissues and orange juice containers, Crispin sitting in the room beside Louis playing with his toys and squealing in delight whenever Liam's dog Loki licked him.

Louis lived with Liam now, it was a huge step into their relationship but Louis lost his house, his landlord giving him a week to pack his things and get out, and he vaguely remembered crying on Liam's front step, and now he lived in the house, it was tight to keep the speculation down to a minimum now, so Liam stated that Louis was his house sitter whenever he wasn't home, and they seemed to have believed it.

Louis blew his nose tiredly, stationed in one of Liam's jumper that was somewhat too big for him, but it was cozy and warm. It was nearly their six months anniversary and Louis was proud of how well he was coping now. He knew how to handle the articles. He simply just ignored them, because at the end of the day, Liam was the one coming home to him at night not the countless other men and women he'd been linked too. Liam was his and he knew that.

Louis was pretty sure Liam had been sending Niall around to check on him and he had no idea why, he was getting better, he was finally starting to feel okay again, and once he was he was planning to bundle Crispin up and fly over to Hollywood for a while. Niall was planning to also go over to visit Harry, but he'd stayed back when Louis got sick.

'Ni! did you buy Li's single on itunes? I helped him write that song !!!'

'I bought it when he released it! sick tuneee!'

'how r u feelin btw? any better?'

'heaps actually! give me a few more days and we'll be on our way to Hollywood!'

'HOLLYWOOD BABY!

_________

Niall and Louis were sitting jammed together on a plane, Crispin in Louis' laps with his little hands over his ears, his lips puckered up. Louis was trying to keep himself well hidden from prying eyes so he was sitting against the window with Niall beside him. He had his hair pulled back into an awkward bun, which was shoved in the hood of his jumper, he hadn't shaved yet and he had big round sunglasses on.

It was an eleven and half hour flight to Hollywood from London and Louis had to ask Liam's mum if she could stop by and feed Loki everyday. He was somewhat excited to be seeing the sites of a new place. Somewhere he hadn't been before. Louis was buzzing, legit.

Louis was disappointed when he didn't find Liam waiting at LAX airport for him, but then he figured that the paps and fans had already swammed the place because Harry was there to pick Niall up. Louis took the lift up to the underground car park and made sure he kept his head low and Crispin's head hidden. It was easy for Louis though, he got out lightly, nobody noticed him, so he was able to slide into his hire car with little to no problems at all.

He drove around for around two hours, he was lost. He had gone past seven hotels that looked similar to the one Liam had given him the description of. He was staying in the same hotel as Harry and Niall, so if Liam was pap coming into the place it would be more likely be because he was going to visit them. Not so much Louis.

Eventually he found the right place, with his car securely parked uncover and his suitcases having been picked up by Niall and Harry. He was in a suite room. (not the penthouse, that was where Niall and Harry were.) But it was cozy, overlooking the water again, it had a crib for Crispin and some flowers on the bedside table. It was roomy and Louis just generally liked it.

He texted Liam he had arrived safely once he got changed into something more comfortable and settled down on the bed to rest his sore back for a while. Louis was getting use to flying around and staying in hotels, but it always felt like a holiday and it was so refreshing to be away from home and seeing something new, the sites.

Liam dropped around fifteen minutes later to Louis sleeping awkwardly on the huge king size bed. Crispin was tucked under Louis' left arm, he was asleep also, using Louis' hand as a pillow. Of course Liam took pictures, and accidentally startled Louis awake when he tripped over the discarded suitcases.

"I didn't mean to wake you love. Welcome to Hollywood."

\--

Louis spent the week seeing the sites and it was amazing, he loved it. He even visited the Hollywood sign, he bumped into Kim Kardashian accidentally at one point. He was quite shocked at how many famous people were able to wander around freely without being bombarded and it made Louis notice the change in the personalities of people.

He didn't won't to go home but he had to leave before Liam did, so they didn't get linked together. Again. He had to be dragged to the car but purposely drove around Hollywood for three hours before he eventually ended up at the airport.

When he got home, he was welcomed to a thunderstorm and was so close to turning around and getting straight back on the plane.

\-------

The album dropped two months later and Louis cried for a week straight and promoted it but shoving the album cover and single in people's letter boxes and on the fronts of people's cars. He placed it all over twitter and his Instagram and mentioned it to people who came into plan weddings as well.

Louis and Liam were basically inseparable now they lived in each others pockets. Louis nearly missed the subway one day because he was texting Liam and slipped over in the rain, and at the time he found it extremely embarrassing but now he found it beyond funny, laughed about it all the time.

If Liam and Louis weren't spending every waking hour together, they were texting and skyping until god hours of the morning until one of them passes out cold and sleeps till midday. Niall and Harry call them disgustingly love sick and find it dreadful, but Harry had also told Louis that he hadn't seen Liam so in love since the day him and Danny first started dating.

Louis was lovesick, he wasn't going to deny it. It was sickening for others obviously and he didn't know how much longer he could keep their relationship a secret before he accidentally tweeted something on twitter, he bit his lip everytime he was asked about Liam whilst planning weddings.

Everybody knew they were friends, so they got away when seen at clubs together, Liam just had to look like he was hanging off some guy whenever the paps came around and everything usually worked out fine. Right now Louis was sipping on a beer as Liam danced around the club, bouncing from person to person and it was mainly because a pap was stationed in the bar, his camera clearly on display and Louis and Liam just couldn't risk it.

Louis liked days like this where he could sip on a beer and watch Liam get drunk out of his mind. He was always designated driver and he never minded much, because he always got to put a drunk Liam to bed at night. He leant back against the bar stool and played with the hem of his shirt. He's had roughly four people come over and try and chat him up, or offer to buy him something to drink, and now he was sitting across from a girl who was trying to get him to look at her, and Louis was just not interested at all.

Getting Liam home was always Louis' favourite part of going out with Liam. He always had a drunken story to tell, and it amused Louis a lot. Liam usually always repeated the same five stories over and over again, but for Louis they never managed to get old.

Liam easily get's drunk, but handles a hangover better than Louis expected him to and he was somewhat perky when he awoke. Louis decided he needed to take a leaf out Liam's book when it came to handling his liquor. Because he admittedly knew he wasn't so great when he got drunk. Liam went for his morning run and was home in time for what he calls a 'hangover cure' meal.

_________

On their one year anniversary, they showered each other in gifts and spent the weekend away in a resort overlooking the water. Louis had met Liam's parents and Liam had met Louis' and it all felt like it had gone so fast. For Louis it felt like they had only gotten together a week prior instead of a whole year ago.

Crispin was nearly two years old and he was becoming an absolute menace now that he knew how to fully use his legs properly. He also he knew how to copy almost every word Liam and Louis said, so swearing was off limits unless Crispin was asleep. He called Louis Daddy and Liam Papa and it made Louis nearly explode every time he said it.

Liam had just been notified that his movie premiere for 'Washed Soldiers' was going to be in a week's time, so Liam had interviews after interviews. Hence why Louis was sitting in the overly huge bed with his laptop on his lap, one of the many people hooked up to a live broadcast link to the interview. He had thankfully got Crispin down for a nap and was going to give himself some quiet time.

Louis enjoyed when he had time like this, just admiring his flawless boyfriend through a laptop. He was wasting his time watching a crappy broadcast instead of doing something productive, like actually making arrangements to a wedding or taking Loki out for a walk before the streets came alive.

He cuddled further into his side of the bed, and placed the laptop down on Liam's side so he could base himself on a lean. He smiled tiredly through a yawn and let Loki crawl up in his arms. Finally Liam came out and onto the screen, wearing a blue shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and three buttons undone down the front. He had paired it off with boots and dark blue jeans, his hair in the usual quiff. Louis was pretty smitten on how Liam looked.

"so Liam, it's nice of you to join me today, I'm Callie." She started, and Liam smiled ever so politely. They discussed the movie, his album and the up and coming world tour he had planned before she moved onto questions the fandom has asked.

"so, my first question is from Quinn, and she wants to know if you had an hidden talents we didn't know about."

"I have a talent of attracting people." Liam chuckled "No, I'm kidding. Honestly you know all my talents, unless playing a guitar is a hidden talent." Liam shrugged.

"nice. Sam wants to know if you could visit any one country right now, where would it be and why?"

"Australia, because that place is in the peak of it's warmer weather, and the beaches over there are perfect for surfing."

"alrighty, last question, it's from Lillyanna and she wants to know. Do you have your eyes on anybody at the moment?" She asked, and Louis felt the place still, he stopped eating his toast halfway through to silence the sound so he could listen more closely.

"actually, there is somebody in my life at the moment." Liam replied, a smile on his lips confidently. This made everybody still up, Louis included, his eyes extremely wide.

"tell us about this person." Callie pushed, leaning forward in her chair, the prompt cards discarded on the table in front.

"he's very lovely, that's all I can say." Liam smiled, flopping back against the couch and smirking subtly, as Callie wrapped up the interview and the cameras shut off.

_______

"Louis, you're coming." Liam sighed, handing Louis the suit jacket as he fixed his hair. Louis had become very reluctant about going along with Liam ever since he came out saying he was dating somebody, Louis wasn't so sure if Liam was ready to be 'out' yet.

Louis sighed, tugging the jacket on and doing up the buttons. He shifted on his feet as he did up the shoelaces to the fancy shimmering dress shoes.

Once he was dressed, he had his hair styled up in a quiff and quickly dressed up Crispin in an outfit from pumpkin patch and cotton on kids. It was extremely cute and Louis was cooing over it for fifteen minutes.

Liam bundled them both up into a limo and started the drive out to the movie premiere. He was excited, he was buzzing actually, his knees bouncing as he played with Louis' fingers.

Once they arrived, Louis was quite reluctant to slip out of the limo, but he followed Liam out and kept his face down. Crispin was clutching tightly onto Louis, using his hands to shield his eyes from the flashing lights. It was always a bit of a struggle when this happened.

Liam was whisked away to do an interview before the premiere started and Louis was left standing in the middle of the red carpet, at first he was awkward but eventually he started to entertain himself, he ended up doing some form of weird dancing.

Liam was stumbling over his words during his interview because he was so distracted by Louis and Crispin, trying not to awkwardly answer his questions. But he was. The perky male took notice to this and advert his attention to where Liam was looking.

"So Liam, is this your mystery partner?" The interviewer asked.

"Huh? Oh yeah, Louis. Louis is definitely something special." Liam replied, he was grinning like a fool.

"So are you telling us you're with Louis?"

"Yes. I'm dating Louis Tomlinson." Liam answered.

"Woah, well. I don't think anybody was expecting that."

"We've actually been together for a year now. We live together." Liam grinned.

"Are you in love Liam?"

"I think I am yeah, it's weird how to explain love, but this love feels different to what I felt with Danny in the past, this love is what love should feel like. So yes. I am in love." Liam blushed. Louis' eyes caught Liam's for a moment.

"Louis, come here." Liam called, ushering him over. Louis slowly wandered towards Liam, squealing in surprise when he wrapped his arms around his waist. Crispin grabbing Liam's ear and erupting into a fit of giggles. "They know now Louis. We don't have to hide anymore." Liam whispered.

Louis felt his heart explode, a grin erupting onto his lips as he flopped against Liam's chest and started laughing. It was a relieved and overwhelmed laugh, but it was a happy laugh.

Louis felt so overwhelmed, he was curled up against Liam for the whole night. They held hands, cracked jokes, laughed, kissed. Crispin was overwhelmed too, he got to hold hands with his Daddy and Papa, he even got to talk in some of the interviewers.

\--

That night when he laid down beside Liam, who was already fast asleep, he stayed still and admired Liam's face whilst he played with his hair. He was so grateful for what he had and who he had become. Liam was the whole reason that Louis had become the person he was today. So much more open and more. Himself.

Louis had also realized that nobody was perfect and of course Liam had flaws. But he knew he did as well. But for Louis, flaws and all, Liam was so utterly beautiful and so utterly his.

He loved so much about Liam already, the way he kissed Louis, he'd swoop in straight away with his eyes closed and sucked Louis' bottom lip before kissing him properly. He was extremely gentle when it came to everything they did. Cuddling, making love, kissing. His hands were a security blanket, they always liked to be touching some part of Louis. He was touchy feely, but Louis loved that about him.

Liam was more than Louis ever expected, he was everything he wanted in a guy. It wasn't always about the looks for Louis it was based solely on the personality, and Louis was batting above his average when it came down to Liam, in every way.

Louis was a firm believer of 'everything happens for a reason' again.

Liam was his reason. Liam mended Louis' torn up heart and helped him 'Start Again' in so many wonderful ways possible.


End file.
